today was just effin weird.
it started ok
ended w me feeling oh so angry
depressed and pissed
hhh
yea sometimes i just need some time alone to not have to worry about things
to have no responsibiities
course as long as you're alive that ain't possible
and when you're dead, well that's another story.
i think the worst feeling when you get older is of unaccomplishment
i look back and ask myself what did i do wrong
why are things such a battle
why are some so lucky to have done what they want and make a good living off of it
what did i do wrong?
i think my biggest mistake was not standing up for myself until much later..
only now can i say that i fully exercise my free will and say what i want
no no not bitchin bout regrets
just, i don't know
it's my quarterlife crisis i guess
sheesh
trying to stay on top of the game, whatever that may be
well i currently know my regular court
but there's so much more to tap so much more to explore
fuq i ain't going down this lane
nope
maybe some other night
tonight i'd like to figure something out
whatever it is
yes i make no sense, never did especially not to myself
so blah blah blah and a couple of whatnots
my motto used to be life sucks then you die
feh
i try to make the best of it
i just don't think i can keep up sometimes
too many things to worry about
not enough time
potentials diminishing day by day
it's sad
is it
i don't even know
can i just waft through the different parallel universes?
whatever...

what's going on in indo?
why can't we all live in peace?
isn't the country stronger economically socially etc with our current setup?
then again i've been lied to throughout my education there
i suppose i'm just blindly patriotic because the indonesia they told me was just fukkin perfect.. when it actually never was..
http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/

...

the iLoo a hoax eh.. or maybe they finally realized how stupid it sounded and decided to cover it up.. heck it was posted on msn.. or those peepls at the uk office have nothing better to do.. shiet.. and they get paid lots too i'm sure...
http://www.cnn.com/2003/TECH/

...

eeeeeewwwwwww
lizard head found in applebee's salad.. (with pic ugh..)
http://www.press-citizen.com/

silversativa spring

i don't want to move from this place
wish i could buy my apt..
...
looking like we might end up in sunnyside queens..
...
hmm..
decisions decisions
i just want to get this over quick
feels weird not knowing where you'll be..
...
all this apt hunting bs is stressing me out..
on top of all that work stuff
worst of all, i'm late on my you know what
so i'm inconsolably cranky even longer...
stress.. : : : :

I'm going to do the deed

yea i hope i still have my job in another hour or so  

...

ha ha ok..
so i actually threw up in the cab last nite, yes no fun, i helped the cabbie clean it and gave him 20
yes stupid, i always forget how evil alcohol is when it's disguised as a nice ice-based fruit smoothie cooler
eueeeee/... ha ha
yes too bad you just read that
no it wasn't nasty, i just lost my wonderful seared yellowfin tuna
it smelled like it.. ha hah

i haven't done this in a while last time i thought i was old enough to know better from then on.. nope...

anyway, why did i partake in so much libations, cos i was shooting the shit w my boss. i had a lot of stuff to talk about and i wanted to make sure i said e v e r y single damned thing that's been on my mind for the last eight months
alcohol gives you guts, tho too much makes you throw up it's contents no good no good, evil

funniest thing, i went home, washed all my shit, took some nice greens brought it up with the stuff from my bag.. i was amazed how much stuff i lug w me, and managed to just throw it away somewhere  ha ha.. ok offering to the ganja goddess then gimme sumthin good back at least i had my laugh

ok yea wutever, basically i'm making myself take on more things. cos heck i need to be challeneged and i've mastered web development on the front/middle side well enough (shiet 5 yrs exp now) and would like to work on more apps for the plant systems and fuqin use my chem e degree fer gosh sakes.. yea so let's see

bottomline i just wanted to prove that i'm worth much more than now and i'd like to prove it..

yea.. blllaaaarrrrggghhh.. j/k

mm , just made myself a nice crab omelette... need more water... ...
fuqin alcohol.. no mo no mo

...

fuqn a .. remind me never to get margaritas again ever .. i forgot it's made with tequila... the evil evil shit.. sigh.. last time i got sick of it was at 16.. wow, been awhile.. i fuqn hate that shit and will forever hate it.. disgusting liquor.. plus weed is always better.. rigtht now it's calming my stomach ... hmmm  .. peaceful..
don't even  feel my cramps anymore..
ganja is good
use wisely

...

, i've been on xanga longer than i've been at this job..

..

fuq i have some effin spyware on my comp.. shiet . from kazaa i bet, evil evil :

CNN: Nude tennis webcast >> http://www.TennisInTheBuff.com

question: if you fall do you get burn/skid marks on yer privates?
i understand naked news, but naked sports? dunno if i want to see many things-a-flapping but it would be funny if some guy fell and gets burn/skid marks on his lil mr wee-wee (hey clay concrete grass, can all hurt pretty bad)

ha hah hah

i decided to bring in some of my college books to elave at work.
been 4 years and i can say that i don't remember shit
my boss asked what e to the ith power of pi is and i don't even know
it's -1, imaginary numbers.. i know i had to do lots of calculations w it, but i don't remember shit no more.
chemical processes, circuits linalg error analysis process control.. shiet.. i can't believe i took all those classes passed reasonably well or fairly ok.. yet i look at them now and go huh? i kinda remember certain things/concepts/the big BIG picture, but ask me to do a problem rigth now.. bleh...
gaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh
anyway, it'll be good reference and one of these days i attempt to relearn what i think are useful and cool out of em...

oh well, he called in sick
i have another day to form my opinions etc.

...

i took my vitamins had my caffeine
about to consume massive quantities of sugar
with my sprinkle, cinnamon donut and cranberry crunch

i need this.. the dizzying buzz is slightly welcome

gonna try to talk to my supervisors today

i've been here 10+months counting on 40 standard hours

shiet.. i didn't even realize

time goes by so fast

... 

i think i should have brought all that leftover donuts...

from straphangers.org:

Show your support!

Come to the "ROLL BACK THE FARE" Rally

Friday, May 9th, 1:30 -2:30 pm
Across from the Courthouse at 60 Centre Street

Click here for more information and to sign up: http://www.straphangers.org/farehikesham
...

to breed or not part 2
http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2003/05/07/breeding_reiter/
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the WWW.C aka iLoo
MSN UK coming up with a portable toilet complete w plasma diplay + keyboard to encourage reading while on the john..
umm maybe it's just me. but if i was a guy / had a dick and was pissed assed drunk or just being an ass, i'd piss all over the damn thing in a sec...

this fuckin sucks..
i think i'm getting sick again
reason: exhaustion
this job's hours blows
most of all it makes no fuckin sense
i can code fast or i can code slow
i can do the same work in 5 hrs or i can do it in 24
worst is i feel like a wimp (again whaddaya know)
plant people/transportation work up to 70
i sit on my butt all day and complain bout my 55
sheesh.. .. ...
but i am god frikken tired
i don't think i can wait a year to ask for some chage
it's ridiculous
if i work straight 11/day i get sick after 4 weeks
current 10/11 think i get sick after10/12 weeks
ehheemmmm... ...
stupid money
i think i should start taking vitamins
is this why everyone in america are such pill poppers?
because ppl here work so goddamned much?