ah shiet.
can't sublet the place we're going to buy while waiting for all the paperwork to be done (someone's staying there already).
not looking forward to moving twice
the car needed its distributor changed as suspected. just hope it's not the start of a string of must-replaces. this alone will be ~400.
money money money :
.
feel much better today cause when i got home last night food was ready. and of course teddy's company always puts me in good spirits.
currently in a food coma.
i think i've just been refusing to work and turning to stuffing my face instead. hmm, sign of depression/stress?
eh whatever.
i'm just glad i'm still alive.
Month: August 2003
-
-
my haircut appt is for 9/11
i think i should get it closely cropped.
perhaps it is time to grow up and lose the pink hair..
.
oh gd. here i go again.
i don't know what's wrong.
right now worrying cos i have my period again. i just had one.
it just wont stop. i'm worried sick. and it's probably aggravating my body even more.
gotta take better care of myself.
i'm freaked out by abnormal bleeding.
........................
i hope i didn't damage anything.
i do plan to have kids at some point.
to top it, i'm so dissatisfied with work.
i just found out the jr java programmer is in a higher position than me. he just graduated fr college
talk about not moving anywhere in a career.
arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......
and i'm broke paying for my apt.
saving zero money.
:
:/
i just wanna curl up and cry
.
feelin strange again
slightly dizzy
maybe i need a new pair of glasses?
last time the solution was a new pair of weaker lenses
staring so close to the screen w my regulars, proved too much for my eyes.
now i don't know
queasy
i think i'm just reluctant to work
can't complain tho. production ppl stayed here from midnight last night to at least 5.30 pm today.
order surge.
good, but can't imagine ppl doing that.
sheesh.
i think they have to be back tonight too..
and here i am complaining cos i'm sitting on my ass staring at this screen and procrastinating too much.. -
dna computing.
really how we think we act is just a series of decipherable processes
why all the craziness i wonder
actg
governs all our processess
are we born with only a recordable number of emotions and desires?
are we only capable of living certain feelings and expressions?
why why the self induced crazy thoughts
why can't i dream beyond what i've seen
where's the epiphany, the vision?
all my so-called hallucinations only involved images i know i've seen/experienced before.
familiar landscapes, albeit taking different forms/colors
they're all of the familiar
of this world
already discovered and transmitted to the masses -
sometimes i wonder if this is the supposed course of my life.
i've been eschewing the advice/restrictions of parental units/members of society the minute i got to the states.
i've learned to trust my gut. whatever comes/happens will, regardless of what i do.
maybe i'm just much older hence burdened with more responsibility and the daily routine makes it seem like, yes this is what i'm supposed to be doing, ain't i busy, always in the hustle bustle?
i don't know.
the problem that creeps up now is my family back home.
trouble is i can't do much to help.
not being a multi millionaire yet, not firmly established in a career yet.
i fuckin hate money.
of course i'd like things to be peachy keen perfect, so i can do my usual i'm going to do whatever i want type without worry.
now i can't.
yes they've told me not to worry, they don't want to tell me what's going on.
i hate secrets.
i don't understand how come we can't open up together as a family.
secrets/ sheltering from the real world is what got us to this mess in my opinion.
i've always hated flaunting wealth, excessive spending, pretending to be something i'm not.
i've always wanted a 'normal' life, well it's as normal as it can get. 12 hr workdays, soon a mortgage, a used car that just died on us sunday morning. a loving partner.
i don't know.
time just seem to move at an accelerated pace.
i feel too damn old already, worrying that in the next minutes i'll be expiring my last breath. before i know it i'll be 86.
the twenties seem to just zoom by. the perfect age range you dream about as kids, just whizzes by when it happens.
is it because we have to work so goddamned much at this time?
my usual weekly rant. i suppose.
my stress level is so high that my period doesn't stop.
my body can feel it. i can feel it.
sometimes i just want to curl up in bed the whole day. of course even if i do, the result will be the same.
a day wasted.
should've just gone out at least.
i'm so tired that i conk out every weekend. totally passing out soon as my head hits the pillow or it gets dark and teddy's steady driving lulls me to sleep.
back staring at this damned screen.
writing virtual nothingniess that reflects my life.
scary strange
who knows and who cares.
doctor, i'd like to temporarily check out of this existence, please freeze time for me, thanks.
.
no worries tho, i know i'll feel better when teddy gets back
let's hope the car just needs a part changed and it can be done today, and the apartment issue will be resolved soon.
.
scratch the car being fixed part.
we'll have to bus up to ithaca again to get it this weekend.
poor bobo car will have to spend a week at the lot.
-
eh i feel so spoiled basking in ac.
yeah i did get freaked out a bit at first. we couldn't figure out what was going on. first thought for me was damn those crazy people. i'm hoping it is just some equipment failure.
decided to walk back to fort greene from lic
.. felt like it. 1.5 hrs. not bad, quite 'fun', def the most exercise i've had in a while.
glad i have nice neighbors and a great landlord. the supermarket closed when i got there and all the bodegas were out of flashlights & candles. (i found mine later on and got a candle from a neighbor and chilled w my landlord and his son listening to the news)
i did wake up earlier thos didn't head out till i made sure the office was open (wished we didn't have power yet >:)
found out all the subways weren't running, but had to go to one anyway to find a bus map.
buses are free today.
i guess that's good..
now i gotta figure out if i can still jet outta here upstate tonight. -
FD: http://www.nytimes.com/2003/08/08/nyregion/08FOOD.html
.
gdamned.. woke up late again..
doesn't help that i moved the alarm closer.
i woke up 4 mins b4, decided to sleep till 7. and somehow miraculously w/o my conscious knowledge, turned the damned thing off >:/
i have serious problems getting up
not exactly a morning person,tho i'd love to be
ah well. taking the 4.30 instead of 2.30
.
ahh. going to ithaca tomorrow
just 5 hrs at work and i'm outta there
setup my new comp too
3GHz P4 Dell
all black
i wonder if all black towers have stupid industrial design
this one has the headphone/usb jack underneath a flap facing down at the bottom of the tower
the flap doesn't come all the way up nor off.
hello?
i put it on my desk tho..
but t's old compaq had the same thing.
the disk drive can only open/ jacks exposed if you open it's little door..
took me a whole day to make sure all my files and work are intact..
heh . didn't mind the break at all
oo. i just heard, possible fd picnic
if it's all employees + family, we'll definitely beat the world record (for attendees) recently set @ bryant park
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