some reason i feel like relaying a bunch of useless crap today..
>> outcome of BSE fears in China

if you can't eat it, wear it.
.
how do you want to die?
http://nytimes.com/2003/12/30/health/policy/30LIFE.html
.
http://nytimes.com/2003/12/30/national/30SOLD.html
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anita mui
http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/asiapcf/12/29/hongkong.mui.ap/index.html
you'd think they'd have a more recent shot tho, other than that early eighties one..
.
black and white m&ms
http://money.cnn.com/2003/12/29/news/funny/mandm/index.htm?cnn=yes
it's already in the vending machine
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why do i read tabloid trash?...
nypost -
JIGGLY Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson may have caused further embarrassment to her famous family with an eye-popping profile on friendster.com.

The elders of the pharmaceutical dynasty will likely cringe when they learn that 23-year-old Casey lists "sex, pills, pole-dancing, licking lollipops and making fun of desperate debbies" as her "interests" on the wildly popular Web site.

Next to a snapshot of the socialite-turned-aspiring actress seductively puffing a cigarette, Casey reveals: "Well, I am all about the 'High' life . . . Big hair, big lips and big boobs." Indeed, '80s-obsessed Casey counts among her favorite TV shows the Reagan-era hits "Knots Landing" and "Dallas."

and i already broke my watch
damn plastic watch
:.

super sleepy...
need cawfee.. yes? . no?
want to just ZZZZ
...
hunted down a particular swatch yesterday.
being materialistic and wasting time is fun
got my piggy the bear watch, apparently the last new one in nyc (because it's 2001)
hee hee i like my new watch and i love my bear for trying so hard to get it for me
it's a fat pink bear just like me (constantly telling me that i'm late..)
.
wonderful weekend of dinners, movie, and shopping

going to houston this week, can't wait

men.com domain name sold for 1.3 million
http://www.cnn.com/2003/TECH/internet/12/25/internet.domains.ap/index.html

fuckin a
http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/12/23/mad.cow/index.html
first case of us mad cow disease

time to strengthen that no red meat resolve
i ain't dyin from mutated prions
no no no no no
.. and i just had a steak sandwich.. :

ugg
no not the boots
drank too much last night
well the jager definitely did it
what a nasty nasty brew
some reason they decided to get a bottle of it
ick yuck never again
twas the office xmas party
again
i have a love hate relationship with this place

part of me
feels horribly guilty at the thought of having 'abandoned'
my family
i'd like to help
no one tells me what's up
i feel guilty living a simple life with little needs
not knowing in full what the situation is like back home
knowing for sure that it is not good
:
again
i need to win the lottery

so i ranted
afterwards i realized i didn't care anymore
so all is good in the neighborhood
what can a girl do?
she's gotta eat
enough ranting because i do have it easy
unfulfilling work, but can't ask for too much
just need to continually strive to be independent
in my wage seeking ways
eventually someday
right now
i'm just chipping n scraping paint
home improvement time
enough to distract and keep me robotically working
bills mortgage renovation costs
i want a new bathroom for christmas

i hate the corporate structure
i hate working in predefined roles and terms
everything sucks right now
i feel so lost and confused
what the hell have i been working for?
for it to get so easily shunted and tossed aside
while other stupid ideas get bubbled up and like everything else
i have to do it
fine
it's a job
i get paid
i go home w some extra cash at the end of the week
but what a fuckin waste
paid me to sit and do work that's just tossed
i think anything i do for someone else will always end this way at some points

and i really can't keep deluding myself that this is the ideal 'job' situation there is
no love here
more out of some morbid inner reasoning that i should be on par
which is not too bad of a logic
but i feel like i'm losing myself
i thought i dug myself out of the rut i crawled in in college
now it seems like i just realized what a deep hole i've dug myself into
and i'm too comfortable to pick up and leave

and no, i don't think school will do
first, no cash
second, if all it is is for getting another job forget it
i need a different type of job
something or other

i really shouldn't care
and i don't
but part of it still majorly suck
how bout that
and i sure can't help it.

eerggh
why can't i make my life more meaningful thatn just working to survive in this shitty ass foreign land
i've lost my sense of hometown
moving around so much
inittially being more comfortable w another culture
stupid fuckin media
doggone rotted my brain

i don't know if i've even managed to hold on to my creativity
what little there is left after shunning it for too long

i still have a dream
a silly little dream

methinks it's best to just work on my pathetic little dream
than trying hard in the working world
i've never really fit in
nor will i ever
nor do i care