4 yr old makes 40000 from sale of abstract artworks
talk about child prodigies. i'm still hoping to have a gallery show someday, she's done that at age 4.
http://www.nytimes.com/2004/09/28/nyregion/28artist.html?ex=1097388678&ei=1&en=ee6e128024552367;partner=GOOGLE

ok at this point i am seriously wondering who the heck did i seriously piss off in this big karma wheel
did i make someone's life a true hell?
hmm, i think a messy apt and a depressed disposition ain't so bad, i mean i didn't murder your family or castrate you.
and yet, i have more and more crap piled on me daily. if only i can win the lottery
yeah that won't happen either, cos i don't buy dem tix.
hhh. ppl easily say it can only get better
well shit.
it's just been getting worse thank you veddy much.

veering close to another painful break
just can't let go of the past.
oh well if shit's meant to happen, better let it happen all at once.
so i can cry just once.
everything's just too stupid and painful now.
having the worst symptoms of depression i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy
and this is such a silly predicament cause it's all in my head.
stupid.
i'm going to stop therapy too, tho it sound like i need it, it's waay too expensive and not at all helping.

porridge and pepperoni. yum.
craving lots and lots of salt..

if there's a way to just completey disappear without bothering anyone
i'd jump at the chance.
how much does it suck when your actions always affect someone else
too full of rage to be any good in anything.
abusing whatever temporary items i think can calm me down.
it's ridiculous, stupid, infantile.
need to completely clear my head
no more additives in whatever form it may be.
need to buy more gum...

holy sh*t
think i'll have to eat only ramen for awhile and rely on the studio as my source of entertainment
that and that only
this whole mess
who'd thunk it'd cost so much
well it did start with buying and renovating a place.
sheesh..

at least i can honestly say i've been spending my free time painting.
it's hard. to come up with something somewhat meaningful.
i know style is achieved after numerous tries.
can't help standing back and thinking how it's looking so cliche.

i'm my own worst critic. 

to think. the excitement of my weekend consisted of wearing chaps.
heh.
i need to get a life
maybe waking up earlier will help.

rather embarassed at being constantly late to work..
hmh. where is my sense of discipline. slept at 5, so no wonder
and even if i didn't get enough sleep why didn't i wake up on time?
stupidly watched a stupid movie, bit of an insomniac i am i think.
v hard to fall asleep. oh yeah , slept at 6 on saturday/ sun morning, that's why. silly.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
.....
just wanted to yell.
a silent yell
sigh.
think i finally need to watch office space.