it seems like such a cop-out to attribute all/most to a scienific name, explaining how the source may be organic. it;s still seem surreal not to mention depressing even more. it makes me feel even more guilty. but honestly why do i still obsess over this anyway. got a survey to finish, gotta write that tag...

.don't understand, i did a perfect copy and paste..

that cracked me up just now. heheh

need to learn to say no

feeling completely sober.
strange
like the muddle is finally gone
things are once again scarily unfamiliar and cold
think i've lost my living in a dream state existence
which is good
time to come down to reality, accept changes and constantly update

was asked the age question and told the guy to guess.
he said 30.
umm..
did i age 5 yrs on top of this 25
because of all the crap of the past few months
do i look/act that old?
damn.
.
last night i actually blamed my parents for abt 10 mins for all the crap that's happened
because there was no support for me from the start, too young, wrong etc.
till things took a turn for the worst then they want me to immediately cut the cord
need to stop this blame game cos sh*t happens all the time
need to learn to be happy regarless of what happened and not use substitutes to feel better
esp those that kill my few remaining brain cells. 

what the f**k is going on these days
http://www.cnn.com/2004/WORLD/asiapcf/09/09/indonesia.blast/index.html
ppl love to bomb sh*t to smithereens it seems
so much more problem for me to worry about than my silly little self
sheesh
glad my dad was able to be so candid abt it when he called
left my phone somewhere today and the car got towed
stupid movie ppl
if you're gonna put up a no parking sign, put one up that's visible/durable
and is not just a crumpled mess on the pole one has to take time to smooth out and read
(if one didn't think it was trash in the first place..)
cheap-a** m****F***rs

not sure why it still hurts.
but it does. even more.
didn't think i'd ever need therapy
yet now i'm looking forward to it
someone can give me some answers
at the very least strengthen my resolve
this whole drowning myself in work thing
isn't really fleshing out as planned
once i start it does
but starting is the hardest part
bleh.

worked in the plant today bagging frozen groceries
and i thought my current daily activity was boring
it was cold and quite depressing. can't imagine having to do so daily.
if you ordered for today and find your frozen items sort of defrosted
twas my bad neglecting to put dry ices in some of the totes. heh.

might have add/adhd
but even if so, do i really need medication?
it's one of those newly discovered health issue that was never previously addressed
and based on the statistical number of adults who have it, it's obvious it's something one can live with.
it was rocky from the start. really need to learn to let it be.
what a tough lesson.
i'm embarassed to say i've only learnt it now.  

Not everything will be perfect throughout this year, but you'll have possibilities to profit by interesting occasions, to take up new directions on the professional or romantic plane and to make new friends. You won't bump into any insurmountable obstacles -- so don't let your opportunity go by, seize it! Don't be afraid to take chances. If you don't take any initiative this year, you'll merely be well; but if you act, if you take risks, then the results could be spectacular. So don't rest on your laurels!

yeah, after all the crap that's happened. i'm drowning myself in work.