Month: January 2004

  • i know i know broken record jeannice.
    but for some strange damn reason i need to beat myself up before deciding to change
    it's catharthic to purge all these thoughts out and feel, well, good/better :)
    .





    some more of that same old stuff
    the cycle doesn't end..

    that time has come again for me to ponder the same things all over again
    except now what i can probably do is clearer and i just have to decide when to plunge into high risk gambles
    strange
    i think my next 5 yrs are planned.
    sh** i'll be 30 by the end.
    how fast time flies
    it's so sad
    you know the feeling of wanting to just curl up and hibernate
    wish i can do that
    i'm so not a go-go person
    and i desperately need to be.
    too many things that need to get done.
    .
    you know that feeling of reaching the next step in your life
    that you've grown up another notch and the playing field's completely changed
    i hate change
    as a stubborn taurus i am scared and reluctant to change
    too bad time isn't content to stay with me
    .
    i've been toying with the idea of school
    but i know i need to set up my business first
    so i can go in with the what already determined and dedicate 2 yrs purely for fun and research
    i've realized that i have no time to freelance
    between this job which as much as i hate am very reluctant to leave,
    (the business model still wins me over)
    my company and my life in general
    i just don't have enough time to dedicate my energy for someone else
    (maybe much later when i'm satisfied with where things are)
    and here teddy's giving his full attention to 127 kids daily
    perhaps i just lack discipline or the will to work really really hard
    i'm still very selfish and pampered because i do not need to care for anyone else
    although that may change soon, kids will not come into the picture till mid30s
    .
    i thought i've gotten over the fear of my own mortality
    but now it seems even more pronounced
    i hate feeling rushed and late
    but it sure does feel like it now
    my fun 20s are nonexistent
    more like work work work hard 20s
    with little to show
    i'm probably doing something wrong
    somewhwere between my lack of self confidence and my lazyness
    i'm missing out on very important opportunities
    or not
    who knows
    i try to not dwell on what could have beens anymore
    teddy's reminded me more thatn enough about that
    but i'm just the pink bear wondering why i have no magical powers to turn a rock pink
    .
    magic
    that's what i want
    it's not reality
    but as long as i feel it
    it's more than enough
    (or maybe it's just that adrenaline rush i crave)

  • I want to start making Fat Little Bear plush toys of all my characters.
    Anyone have any suggestions as to courses I can take for developing prototypes & patternmaking?
    Or do you know toy designers who work freelance?

    I also still need to learn how to sew :o (<-- useless female homemaker)
    Was told I should just look for after school home ec programs I can sit in.
    How can I kill two birds with one stone and still work full time?
    Any suggestions appreciated :)

    It's sad that I can't sew :

  • since it's almost chinese new year..

    Careers suited to Sheep are Acting, Gardening and Beach Combing.
    http://www.new-year.co.uk/chinese/year.htm

    see this is why i should quit my job and be a beach bum

  • CNN - Property records show that Andrew Luster, the 40-year-old great-grandson of cosmetics legend Max Factor, sold his beach house near Santa Barbara for $1,000 several days after he was caught in Mexico. 

    dang i would've bought that beach house for $1000
    i'm sure that richboy's place was swank

  • i think i successfully rehabilitated my tongue last night
    (i'm sure some nerves are still inevitably lost)
    thought i had lost the ability to roll my tongue forming the indonesian 'R' sound
    and noticing that the area in front of the piercing tapers off much steeper and is thinner
    it's much better now
    for those who are contemplating
    DO NOT PIERCE YOUR TONGUE
    i had mine for 4 yrs
    now i'm like what was i thinking
    let's see which part of my body do i not mind cutting into?
    ear lobes, bellybutton skin flap, brow arch skin, tongue
    for someone who cannot stand needles
    i still don't know why i did it
    except that teddy told me too
    i'm such a lemming 
    and DONT FORK YOUR TONGUES KIDS
    i think it's scary and i don't think simple tongue stretching exercises will help fix it

  • i don't think it has quite hit me yet
    that i don't ever need to worry about deportation /inability to legally work again
    can pick up and leave when i want

    teddy's suggesting i find another job so we can go on a loong vacation over the summer on the interim :P

    i can't make up my mind whether or not to stay in this startup venture

    been in this one longer than the previous now

  • so we can send a probe to mars and take pics
    but we can't even send a probe underwater to document the life close to the earth's core
    come on
    if life on the topsoil were to cease because of some natural disasters/ stupid human error
    shouldn't the first course be trying to live deep deep underwater?
    instead of travelling light years ahead to a yet uninhabitable planet?

  • I GOT MY GREENCARD!
    woohoo.
    i am now a permanent resident
    and can stay here and work for as long as i live
    no more horrendous waiting to apply for employment cards
    it was so easy
    thank you internet
    without you we wouldn't be able to do it all ourselves

  • my hair is now brown
    :o
    .
    and i hate it
    yuck
    it looks like dried blood
    i don't think 'natural' is for me

  • all this lotr bashing
    read the book peoples
    then you'll understand why
    it was a faithful adaptation
    tho i wished they included more story (tom bombadil)
    and less close ups
    and yes, i wanted a more epic giant battle ending
    but with humans fighting orcs, there ain't much magic
    the fall of sauron should be grander than just that flaming eye falling down
    hells even the nazguls got dragons
    .
    but enough about that
    i'm worried bout tomorrow
    ...
    not another two years please