Month: August 2004

  • what a shitty start of the week.
    missed my meeting, and someone said, oh they were looking or you.
    relied too much on someone else to pick me up from my appointment
    who decided to go shopping instead and lose track of time. wtf.


    anyway, it's cold and wet. having dinner with another person who's driving me nuts.
    why? god only knows. because things sure ain't pretty when we're together nowadays.
    i just hope i won't break down during dinner and cry over my tempura
    trying the public social setting thing to see if i'll be fine. who's idea? mine. it always is.
    don't know why i'm such a masochist sometimes. 


    mgmt comp calls. someone's complaining about the bike being parked on the sidewalk.
    and how our door is not yet repainted.
    sigh. some reason ppl in the building hate us. i've never lived anywhere where anyone complained abt anything. this is the first. well live and learn.

  • our group's manager is leaving.
    it's been 5 mos since he started. i feel like i've done nothing in that period.
    just the daze of going to work and back. and oh yeah my unraveling messed up personal life.
    hmm hmm.
    at least it's friday.
    too bad it's raining.

  • uhm, company picnic was yesterday.
    supposed to be 1-6 of overeating and mingling
    but it rained like cats n dogs when i got there 2.30 ish
    bad enough that it was ended
    got completely soaked, everyone, cept those that hid in cars for the duration of the freak thunderstorm.
    :
    there goes the picnic.
    .
    but today, we're barbecuing what we didn't outside the plant :D
    heh like a tailgating party outside.
    got a burger hotdog 2 sausages 2 corn yum..
    summertime fun :)

  • If you use FreshDirect, here's an offer for FREE CrabCakes. 
    Yes they are delicious.


  • why is sleeping procrastinating not doing anything so easy.
    i wonder what holds me back
    something is still not letting me freefall into the unknown with no care
    hmm.
    too used to a standard of comfort that i can't seem to let go.
    heck i like my fluke sashimi with sweet vinegar mmm
    nope can't be a bum.

  • i always choose the worst times to move.
    last night ended at 12, finished loading all to my apt 2 am... :o
    detoured by studio first to drop off xtra shirts & pickup my bike
    tired today. got in to work at 11.. yay for dotcom startups' web depts. us nocturnal light shunning programmers have some weird freedom with schedules.. (ok that depends on how much you're needed for the day :P )
    but at least i finally have my press within close proximity, so no more excuses, finally after a year, more shirts a coming.
    .
    can't believe so much time has passed.
    it's just been too crazy hectic
    with emotional rollercoaster freefall drops in between
    it's been insane to say the least.
    .
    he finally said sorry. all i could say was thanks.
    it sucks
    it still sucks
    i feel that we're both just too immature
    too afraid of the future/consequences
    when in reality who can predict what will happen
    who knows exactly what will happen
    life is too goddamned short
    just be happy please
    and i will be too.

  • i still feel.. guilty, lowest that the lowest pond scum, stupid, completely insane to have these extreme mood swings.

    i know it's silly to be caught up in my silly emotional impediment when sudanese kids can't even eat. geez. selfish selfish and stupid.


    but it's still hard to shake off, not think about, not feel guilty about.

    and it's been 3 months.

    getting help. don't worry.

  • i met someone exactly like me, down to the little nagging details.
    weird.

  • who knew being emotionally independent is so hard.
    gotta do it, have to do it.