so i have to pack and get ready.
not sure why i'm so reluctant.
part of me is just plain embarassed that i haven't really progressed in 6 mos.
le sigh. oh well.
no sleep for the weary, gotta make shirts!

got a new coat for xmas
just in time too, since it's now chilly and my old jacket is well. getting kinda smelly. lol.
i've had that jacket for, hmm, bout 6 yrs now. damn. that's pretty long.
still need the same type of jacket tho for winter sports.
my new coat is shearling, it's super warm, no need to layer, i have shortsleeves underneath
he he.  it's my most favorite item now. i feel like a bear wearing it

i also got this much coveted marilyn monroe syle dress i've been eyeing since 6 mos ago.
in lilac satin. can't wait to wear it for new year

haven't been spoiled in a while. it's fun. ok now to make money to pay it off.

i did it!
i reunited father & son
i am so fucking excited
they're talking now for the first time in 17 years
did my good deed for the year
pats self in back
gives cama a big hug and kiss
i can be such a stalker on google >:D

beginning to think there really is no way to go traipsing through the
night doing art jobs while working full time. i really need a day to be
48 hrs to be able to sleep well and work well.
so tired and weirdly fatigued. somewhat feeling sick but no illness.
i think when i go back home i'm going to have relaxing spa days.
course gotta see if i can afford it. heh. i hate going home broke.

this is me falling into a bucket

so last night i was happy because i thought i now knew why God wanted
me to meet my current mentor. i'm in his path to help him
find his son.
using my googling/stalking expertise i think i found
a great match. of course the candidate's trail was abundant (heck he
has a site) but nevertheless i thought i did some good sleuthing action
and maybe it'll come true someday and biological father & son will
reunite.
oo it just sends warm feelings in my belly this close to xmastime.
then i woke up reeal late today and just got in. ruined my mood.

hmmh..
my old landlord mentioned an available one bedroom near where i used to live.
even if i wanted to jump on the offer, nevermind moving the physical
crap i don't think i have enough dough for a security deposit + first
months rent.
heh.
this year just completely suck and i wonder if someone gets a sense of messed up satisfaction reading crap like this on my blog.
yes my life sucks, yes your life's much better
aren't you glad i exist for comparison?

been wakinig up later and later.
after the adrenaline rush of fear that got me out of bed with just 2 hrs of sleep
ii now take 6-8 hrs of slumber before rising
and i still sleep 3/4/5
oh yes you can bet i saunter in here late.
pretty embarassing.
i think i'm just dreading the next day, because i'm so not looking
forward to next week when it all ends, legally on paper, just like the
way it started.
but why should i worry so much anyway right?
life goes on. my death will come too soon anyway, best to enjoy life till the last breaths
and honestly who will judge you or your actions?
i think as long as you can live with your decisions it's fine.

time to check back to rationality.
ice cold.

oh fuk. i better go to sleep now, gnite
http://www.cnn.com/2004/HEALTH/diet.fitness/12/06/sleep.weight.gain.reut/index.htm
Studies: Lost sleep equals gained weight
Losing sleep can increase hormones linked with eating behavior